Some People

Some people put meanings in the little things in life. Some people make stories in their head. Some people just go with the flow. Some people don’t care as long as they dont cross the laws.

Some people care about flying home together or individually and how that would make a huge difference if it were a chick-flick storyline. Some people care about plans and lose excitement when things go wrong. Some people pride themselves for always adapting, to what exactly, if you keep changing? Some people, on the other hand, choose to not always surrender to life but to stand up on your own and prove that you, too, have control over something, even if not everything.

Some people try to please everyone only to end up disappointing each one. Some people don’t bend as much. Some people love. Some people hate. Some people hate the love they have been given. Some people love hatreds for the fame that they come with.

Some people feel. Some people think. You are one of those people. I am too one of some people.

Perhaps

Got that one question today: how do you know he’s the one?

Well I don’t, to be honest. Does he tick the boxes? Some of them, but not all. Do I get mad at him? Yes, every now and then. Does he drive me crazy? Sometimes. It’s… life, you know. Nothing stays the same for ever and ever. Everything moves. Everything changes.

So what made us, or me rather (because I wouldn’t know his reasons) stay this far?

Because the world is a better place with him around. It does sound cliche, but it is what it is. If someone’s presence makes you feel sad or scared or stressed, then perhaps it’s not just in your mind. Perhaps your gut feeling is true.

Because he doesn’t complete me like 100% complete, but still, perhaps we can make it to 83%. Or 79.83792%. I don’t know. But he’s got some essential things that complete my weaknesses. For example, he has enormous patience to deal with my tantrums. Usually that’s all it takes. Give me some time to scream and cry, and then when I’ve got my mind back, most of the time I’ll submit to him. Or at least I would willingly meet him halfway. I do need those times just to shout my heart out and let him know what I truly feel or think or want, but in the end I’m always open to discussions. And I think that’s better too to let him know what I really feel, otherwise, how would he ever guess?

And because leaving him has never been an option. I don’t know why, but even when we completely disagree with one another, I still love him too much to give up. Even at times when I don’t feel “in love” with him, I still feel like I’m bound to him in some ways. It’s like quarrelling with siblings or family member perhaps. In the end you know that you are still bound to them no matter what, and that you have to deal with it. Find a solution. Try to persuade. Think outside the box. One thing for sure – there’s no running away.

So is he the one? I don’t know. As of now, I don’t mind to have him around for the rest of my life. That being said, no one knows what can happen in the future. I might break up with him one day – who knows? Just because we’re smooth sailing doesn’t mean we won’t run into icebergs.

Just like my mom always say, “He’s not the one until the day you walk down the aisle.” Yeah, just like that. Until the day comes when you make that promise to stick around for the rest of your life (although even then you might not actually know what you’re committing into), how would you know?

48

48 pertanyaan. Mungkin kurang, mungkin lebih, mungkin tak terbaca, mungkin tak berjawab, mungkin tentangmu, mungkin tentangku, mungkin bukan apa-apa, mungkin basa-basi, mungkin benar dari hati.

48 momen. Bahwa ada jerawat kecil di tengkukmu, bahwa kaki kirimu punya bekas jahitan, bahwa matamu bersinar cokelat muda ketika matahari menyapa, bahwa jemarimu mampu menelusuri renggang jemariku tanpa kesulitan, bahwa aku mencari-cari lampu merah untuk memperlambat perjalanan.

48 langkah. Yang dibutuhkan hati ini untuk mendadak jadi liar.

48 minggu. Sejak pertama melihatmu.

48 sentimeter. Jarak terjauh jantungku dan jantungmu, yang dengan medan magnetnya, memaksa tanganku untuk merengkuhmu.

48 detik. Waktu terlama yang bisa kulewati kini, tanpa merindukanmu.

48 jam. Dan hidupku berhasil kauubah total, hatiku jadi sosok yang tak lagi kukenal, dan selamat, cintaku sukses kausandera.

Hari ke-25: Seolah

Tidakkah itu lucu bahwa kata-kata tak pernah lupa mampir saat kamu tak membutuhkan mereka, namun selalu hilang ketika kamu paling ingin berbicara?

Tidakkah itu lucu bahwa hitungan hari bisa begitu lambat dan cepat pada waktu yang bersamaan, jika diukur dari frekuensi kita bertemu dan total waktu yang kita habiskan untuk sungguhan berdua?

Tidakkah itu lucu bahwa ada dua kamu untukku: satu yang ada di pikiranku, tak pernah lupa muncul di tidur, di bangun, di siang, di malam, di seperempat menit setengah kesadaran antara dua mimpi yang tak bertautan?

 

Tidakkah itu lucu bahwa kamu datang seolah-olah tepat waktu, tapi tak pernah tepat untukku?

Hari ke-24: Kalian

road

 

Karena ada hari-hari panjang di antara kalian yang takkan tergantikan oleh puisi, senyum, tatap mata, canda, peluk, atau jujur.

Karena ada milyaran detik yang kalian lupakan sebagai biasa, yang sering justru menjadi fondasi kuat untuk hal-hal luar biasa, dan seandainya bisa, akan kutukar dengan apa saja.

Karena, kalian ada.